The Rose
By Paul Chinikidiadi

A few years ago I was speaking at a church in House, NM. I was nearing the end of my 10 week study of the carving of “The Ten Commandments”. One of the ladies of the church Sarah Hargrove came up to me after the service and said “Can you do me a favor? Could you carve out a rose for me so I can have it put on my casket?” In my carving of the 10 Commandments I have a rose carved between each of the commandments. I usually don’t accept carving requests, but in this case I said which of the roses would you like carved. She pointed to a certain one and said “I would like that one only bigger”. So I said sure, thinking I’ll do it someday when I may hear of her passing away.

Soon after that I received a call from a friend from House saying that there had been a terrible accident not far from their home. Hillous Hargrove was being transported to our Clovis hospital and would need me to pray with him because Sarah his wife had just been killed.

I carved out the special rose that Sarah had requested and laid it on the coffin. A coffin her husband had just finished building the week before. (He builds coffins for a living.) As the casket was ready to be closed her husband put “The Rose” inside to be with her.

The first song that was played at the funeral service was “Roses will Bloom Again”. Every part of this song and years of marriage are to true to Hillous and Sarah’s life together. Tears ran down my face as I listened to the words of this song.

Later I spoke with Hillous and he said he took the rose out of the casket and has it by her picture in the living room.

That has changed–especially my very favorite shots– since I discovered Fabness.com. The owners, Mark and Jennifer Lander, will join me on Bold Living May 25th (following my chat with Paul Chinikidiadi) with some tips about how to maximize the enjoyment of the photos you love most.

I have always admired other people’s custom wall canvases and wanted my own, but thought they were probably really pricey so I didn’t pursue it. (I met a women at an event I spoke at recently who told me she spent $50 (with a deal coupon) on a 16″ X 20″ canvas of her family. Fabness.com is sponsoring Bold Living. So…for about $25 you can get the same thing with the code BoldLiving at checkout.) I know I can afford it now any time.

The other reason I held back was that I like to change my rooms and pictures often. With such a low price, I don’t hesitate to get rid of canvases when I have a new fav photo of my grandkids. (Keep em comin!) No guilt or money wasted.

You don’t have to be a pro photographer (although they work with pros too). Use your cell phone or disposable camera if that’s what you’ve got when the action happens.

Here are some tips for de-stressing your photo anxiety:

1. Toss duplicates/ very similar shots
2. Only keep the shots you LOVE (the kid matters, not the various clothes on the kid)
3. Store digitals on your computer and in your email folders
4. Organize your digital photos by folder
5. Schedule half hour a week to organize paper photos into albums (refer to #2)
6. Take a ton of candid shots when something fun is going on and delete all but the best few immediately
7. Stunning scenery is always picture-worthy, but lousy shots are boring. Get your face or your kids’ faces in front of that mountain and the memory is preserved without the need for super photo skills.
8. Canvases of your photos make decorating any room much more personal and creative
~Group/party shots for dorm rooms
~Photo of a hand-made quilt or sweet teddy bear gift from grandma for nursery
~Champagne glasses toasting at sunset to commemorate an anniversary (in your own hands–you were there!)
~Child in costume or with special cartoon friend for kid’s room
~Your most inspirational quote or Bible verse on a pretty background for your office
*You can have the photo wrapped all the way around the wood frame or choose a border color that ties well to your color scheme.

Don’t take photos and forget about them for future generations to discover. They are shots you took because the moment was meaningful. Access the memories from those photos frequently. It will always make you smile (and you don’t have to say “cheese”).

Share your photo tips in a comment below. I’d love to see some of your favorite and most creative photos on facebook, so post and tag Women in High Def.

*For one week only, Fabness.com is offering a 10″ X 15″ canvas for $12! The code is BoldLiving12. This stupidly cheap deal expires June 1st so jump on it!

I invited the owner of My Gym closest to us to share about what makes this a good investment of time and money for your child. David Dodge (a.k.a. Mr. David) is an interesting guy with a degree in criminal justice. He and his wife spend most of their time at this family business.

“I guess you could call this early prevention,” he joked. “The combination of structured activities and intermittent free play keeps the kids focused, entertained and active.”

Each “class” is age-appropriate and limited to a small group. Zoe’s class never has more than six kids and their moms (sometimes grandmas or dads!). They have circle time for a little singing and stretching, then free play. Big animal swings are hung, then free play. Balance beam, then free play…. you get the idea. The organized activities vary widely and each week it’s something new.

The little guys are gently taught to test their limits and be bold (LOVE THAT), so fear and timidity slowly disappears. Mr. David gives undivided attention to each child as he works with them and they gain confidence right in front of your eyes. They learn (intuitively) to share and take turns, so social skills are in the mix.

The entire experience is designed for safety and everything is sanitized daily. Whew! You won’t find sharp edges or teaming germs at this play space.

Why pay to play when you can do it free? This isn’t just playing. My Gym builds confidence, encourages exploration, teaches social skills, coordination, physical strength and agility. Those with the wallet can see this. The kids don’t think of all those adult words or the big picture concept. They will, however, beg you to go back for more fun as often as you’ll take them.

This may sound like a commercial, but I was simply that impressed. For those who don’t have a My Gym (or don’t have the funds to participate) do a little online research for an organized community program with similar structure and goals. Every kid from six months to 12 years will benefit from a wonderful program like this.

What do you do to keep your kids moving, build their confidence and strengthen social skills? All tips appreciated!

A Little Slice of Grace
by Carol Cook

At twenty-five, I was mother to three children. I never thought about my life after they left the nest. That issue was tucked safely away…for another day…another time. It has been said, “Husbands marry their jobs, and wives marry their children.” With Jim happy and excelling in business, my children became my world. That is, until I turned forty-two. The youngest went off to Baylor, and the house fell painfully silent. I was invisible.

My life purpose and passion came to a screeching halt. I searched for meaning in my world to see it had become small. A friend invited me to lunch and a tour to a local charity. In one afternoon on their campus, my heart surged and I experienced something other than aloneness. My life was about to change.
I wrote a mission statement to help me stay focused: “To help women and children in crisis while sharing God’s love in everything I do. I would become a servant, a teacher, and friend.”

Awakened to the realization that my life experiences could have value and minister to others, I took the first steps on my journey to philanthropy and mentoring. So many opportunities outside my private world! I served on boards and volunteered at fund raising events to help create awareness of the needs of others. . Before long, I was busier than I had ever been with my children…and, fulfilled beyond measure. I was happy.

I recalled a verse from the Bible about the older women teaching the younger. Years passed. I had become an older woman! What did I have to offer? You don’t reach 48 years of marriage; have 3 grown children, in-laws, and 10 grands without a lot of challenges, successes…, and failures to share.

I looked to women from the past to mentor me. I studied about our Biblical sisters. I discovered an amazing truth: Women haven’t changed much in 6,000 + years! To my surprise and delight, my own issues of perfection, jealousy, control, unforgiveness, secrets, and victimization….were a common thread woven though out the ages in women.

I noticed two important components, in my opinion, to a fulfilled and joyous journey in life: Grace and Forgiveness.

This revelation led me to teach other women these truths through home Bible studies for many years. Observing the effect it had on their lives, I was inspired to write this book.

*Share your story, encourage Carol or post a question below. You might win a copy of her book.

We are Not Finished Yet
by Kathi Lipp

If you have kids, you know that there is always some sort of drama around the corner. When you have four, the drama just takes turns. Recently, it’s been with our “easy” child. The one who longs to please, but has been living on the edge in many areas of their life. In a recent conversation, here is how that played out:

“I know you’re disappointed in how I turned out.”

Oh that cuts to the quick of a mom’s heart.

One of my kids actually said those very words to me. Oh the pain to realize that one of my kids, my precious baby, knows this isn’t what I expected.

This child of mine is making choices I don’t love. But there is no way I could love the child any more than I do.

All of our kids are smart, bright, funny, and questioning. They have grown up with parents who love them, but have not always loved perfectly. They grew up with parents who were broken, and some of that brokenness passed down to them.

When my precious baby said that to me, I had to think for a moment. Did I love where they were at in their life? Did I love the choices they were making? Did I approve of the steps they were making? No. Not so much. But that wasn’t the most important thing I needed to say.

What I did say, (after saying a silent prayer,) was this: “No, I don’t love some of your decisions, but I love you. And I know that you have not “turned out” you are “turning out”. God is far from done with you. You are smart, and funny and amazing, but you are far, far from “done”.”

I have to keep remembering: I’m in the middle of the story.

My favorite author has this to say about where we are with him: “God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us along into deeper things.” – Richard Foster.

As a mom. As a wife. As a woman. I’m in the middle of the story, and so are my kids. So is my husband. When we love God, when we are in fellowship with Him, we need to remember: This is just the middle.

At church, we have been studying 1 John. What a weird and complicated book. It’s a hard book, because while it is so full of life, it is so full of challenges. Here is one of the life-giving parts that I desperately needed to be reminded of:

1 John 3:2 Dear friends, now we are God’s children. What we will be isn’t completely clear yet. We do know that when Christ appears we will be like him because we will see him as he is.

We are still living in a fallen world, and thing don’t go according to plan. We blow it, our kids blow it. But this is not the end. We can pray that Christ would become real to our kids – and to ourselves. While we wait on God, we get to call ourselves his children. We don’t have to be perfect, our kids don’t have to be perfect, God still is with us – because he meets us where we’re at and moves us closer to him.

*Can you relate to Kathi’s parenting struggles? I sure can! Listen to my interview with her and post a comment to win a copy of her book.

She taught me poise (stand tall and don’t be ashamed of being taller than most people in class). She helped me learn compassion and modeled it well as she served and gave freely to anyone in need.

She also introduced me to Jesus when I was a tiny kid. She modeled a life of loving God and used His word to mentor my sister and me. Knowing God’s word and truth prepared us for the many challenges life brings.

I have done my best to continue this legacy with my kids and grandchildren. As mothers we have a great commission, daunting as it may be, to place the Sword of God’s Truth firmly in their hands.

Lisa Bevere, bestselling author, shared with me on Bold Living about why this is one of the most significant things we can aspire to accomplish.

We talked about her new book Girls with Swords and a bit about Lioness Arising. You (and your daughters) should consider both required reading. They are filled with vivid imagery and messages of inspiration and empowerment. You can’t possibly read them without being propelled out of your seat and into action.

She reminds us that we are created for a purpose and that purpose belongs to the Lord. Getting in the battle is not optional because life (on earth and in the spiritual realm) is full of hazards and enemies. Our most effective weapon is readily available: The Sword of Truth…God’s word.

Armed with this weapon we can successfully fight against the wrongs of this world; sex trafficking, child pornography, abuse, and abortion. Christian women have a big red circle on our chests which the enemy aims at, keeping us distracted and delayed from joining the fight.

Lisa wants us to be reminded that we have a weapon, that we need to dust it off and practice using it.

“You are the daughters of a valiant, virtuous Warrior whose eternal, creative word in your mouth is a living, invincible sword in your hand. You have been entrusted with a weapon without rival in a time like no other. Wield it with skillful finesse, gracious insight and in triumphant love…and strike sure,” Lisa Bevere.

Thank you, moms who are artfully using your swords. For you who aren’t, consider this your invitation to pick it back up, or lift it for the first time. It will be a weighty weapon you’ll never want to lay back down.

Wishing you a happy and blessed Mother’s Day. Be sure to listen to my interview with Lisa Bevere Saturday, May 11th at 11 AM (PST) on KPXQ 1360 AM or thereafter on the podcast which will link below. Share a comment and you may win a free copy of Girls with Swords.

Redefine Your Challenges
by Karol Ladd

How would you define your life right now? Do words like, overwhelmed, disappointed or frustrated fall into that description? Most of us can relate to those words at some point in our lives. The good news is that we can also redefine those challenges and change our perspective on life in the process. For example, what may have seemed like a disappointment or a closed door in your life, can actually be redefined as an opportunity to trust God’s timing and plan for your life. A mistake can be re-titled a “learning experience.” A difficult person can become someone who allows you to let God’s love and grace flow through you.

Think about it, we can choose to grumble and complain and play the victim, or we can choose to find the possibilities. When we look at our difficulties as opportunities to develop strength and wisdom, we live life with a new attitude. You may not be able to choose your situation in life or the people around you, but you can always choose your outlook.

R. A. Torrey said, “Despise not the desert. There is where God polishes His brightest gems.” Throughout the Bible we read about men and women whom God used, despite their not-so-perfect lives. I love how Paul responded to his suffering by writing, “Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17) Let us live with expectation of what God can do in our lives despite our challenges.

Here are the eight redefining principles to help you through the twists and turns of life:

1. Keep your thinking right.
2. Keep your focus on the possibilities.
3. Keep running your race.
4. Keep your criticism in check.
5. Keep a courageous spirit.
6. Keep reaching out to others.
7. Keep a proactive attitude.
8. Keep believing big.

*Can you think of a challenge you faced with a positive “redefined” attitude? Share in a comment below. You may win a copy of Karol’s book!

Hollywood may be full of ego and evil but there are some good people that reflect God’s love and want to shine a light on it. Actor and director Michael Gier is one such person. He shares his story in the guest post below and on Bold Living May 4th at 11 PST (following a chat with author Karol Ladd) on KPXQ1360.com Diane Markins

Contentment Throughout it All
by Michael Gier

I produced a short film called “Foreclosed” because so many Americans have suffered through job loss and foreclosure. I based the film on 1 Timothy 6:6 “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” I thought it was important that we were reminded to be thankful for the blessings we do have even in the midst of losing a lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 talks about the different seasons in life, sometimes it’s a good season and sometimes it’s a bad season. God doesn’t edit out the difficult things so that we can sail through life without challenges. We don’t get a special pass when we become Christians but we need to remember that Gods plan is good. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says “He has made everything beautiful in His time.” Everything that happens in our lives has a purpose including the difficult times.

Only in darkness can His light shine the brightest. You may not understand it and right now you may not know why. Paul wrote “we look through a glass darkly” so we don’t see things clearly right now and we’re not going to have all of the answers but the bottom line is that God’s plan is good; even during tough times!

In Philippians 4:11-13 Paul says, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Of course when we’re going through a difficult time we don’t give thanks to God for the circumstances but we do give thanks to the God who lives above the circumstances because that’s the God we serve.

No matter how you feel, God has not forgotten you. Remember, He loves you and He will see you through no matter what the outcome. Trust Him, be thankful for the many blessings you do have, and learn to be content in whatever situation comes your way.

Pinocchio isn’t the only member of the liars club! We are going to talk live on Bold Living (602 274-1360) about lying…why we do it, ways to detect dishonesty and how to recover from the damages of deceit. Dr. Brian Case will share in this discussion and answer your questions. He’s written a guest post below to help restore relationships in the wake of lies. The show airs April 27th on KPXQ1360.com Diane Markins

THE PROCESS OF APOLOGY
When one has caused damage by being dishonest, the following actions (not necessarily in order) can help the other person heal and help restore trust within the relationship, as well as laying the foundation for self-forgiveness.

*Take full responsibility for the dishonesty, without minimization or excuses
*Learn how your dishonesty impacted him/her (emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.) By asking questions and sincerely listening to understand and develop empathy
*Express sincere remorse, empathy and a desire to restore honesty/trustworthiness
*Learn how & why you were dishonest, so you can determine what you need to do/work through/change to make sure you are not dishonest again.
*Share those insights and your plan of action for change with him/her
*Overtly apologize again -express sorrow/remorse and commitment to not repeat dishonest behavior(s).
*Ask for forgiveness and chance to restore trust.
*Follow through with your plan of action! (words alone can mean little or nothing, especially if the dishonesty is a repeat behavior).

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. When one has been hurt, forgiveness can be the means to making peace with the past and avoiding staying stuck in hurt, anger, revenge or the fear of being close to another person again. It can free the heart to love again. However, the process may be a long, difficult one. Keep these things in mind:

Sometimes “forgiveness” is:
*based on the belief that just saying “I forgive you” is enough
*done without thinking/feeling
*done to get “one-up” on the other
*granted to avoid conflict/pain
*done without taking steps to appropriately protect self

True Forgiveness is:
*Active
*A multi-dimensional process of changing your thoughts, feelings and behaviors related to a
hurtful person and/or event
*Something you can do for yourself regardless of the other’s attitudes/behaviors
*A choice, and then usually a process.

This show will be live call-in on April 27th from 11-noon (PST). We’ll have some fun talking about the lies we ALL tell and how to discern lies. Then we’ll talk about how to make things right: Deception Damage Repair. Be sure to check out Lie Spotting by Pamela Meyer. We’re giving some books away so call in!!! 602 274-1360, pass this along and post questions or comments below.

Our home is a place of respite–or should be. Sometimes clutter or the same old look can wear us out or distract us and we don’t even know it. Maybe it’s time to freshen up your house for a new season. Design expert Heather Sanders will share some quick and inexpensive ideas on Bold living following my interview with Marlene Klotz-Collins from the Salvation Army. She’s offering a free consultation to one lucky winner who comments below. (Airing April 20th on KPXQ1360.com) Diane Markins

Home style trends are a tricky thing, but here are a few of the larger trends for this year that you might want to try. You can go all out or test drive with some new pillows, a fresh coat of paint and new chandelier.

Color Your World
Nothing is as powerful or easy to change as color. Gray is the new brown and it looks like it is here to stay. Excellent as the new neutral base for your home, you can’t go wrong with gray. It is also the perfect way to tone down the other hot colors this season. Looking ahead toward the future with hope and happy thoughts best describes the bold and bright hues you will see. Lemon yellow, grass green, violet and blushy coral will be big. Blue will continue to be a darling of the design world with shades ranging from classic royal and navy to bright aqua and muted gray blues. Finally no discussion would be complete without mention of Pantone. The world leader in forecasting color trends has named emerald green the 2013 color of the year. Easily infuse these color trends with paint, pillows, accents or lamps.

Play with Pattern
Go big or go home when it comes to pattern. The geometrics are fan favorites with variations of gate, quatrefoil, chevron and Greek key topping the list. Also in vogue are globally inspired patterns like ikat and suzanni. Large scale classics such as stripes, hounds tooth and florals are still a hit. Easily incorporate these trendy patterns on walls with stencils or wallpaper and in textiles.

Keep it Classic
You know what they say about everything coming back again. Good news for purists and lovers of all things tried and true. The classics, though they never went out, are back en masse. This trend is best seen in kitchens where cabinets and woodwork are getting painted (again) white. Counters are marble or have little movement and backsplashes are glossy porcelain in classic sizes like subway and hexagon. The fresh take on the trend is using a darker grout, switching tile pattern throughout and mixing cabinet finishes. Hardware is seen in simple knobs and bin pulls. For lighting, it’s a return to industrial era cage and pendant lights plus mod drum shades. Also back are wall treatments such as wainscoting or board and batten. Easily take on this trend by painting tired cabinets or accent furniture crisp white or changing out a stone backsplash with subway tile.

Mix it Up
The economy has inspired us to use more of what we have, which means mixing it up. This overall trend is still big, acceptable and encouraged. After all, the most interesting spaces are not “matchy-match.” They are comprised of collected furnishings and treasures and mix texture, style, old and new. We see this trend played out nicely in the mixing of styles in the modern cottage look or the mixing of woods and chipped finishes in the industrial look. Pairing metals is also on trend. This means you can use various finishes in your home or room. Texture is trendy and gives you license to pair shiny with rustic, matte with glossy. There’s no need to ditch everything. Instead incorporate a little of all the trends above with the classic pieces you already own.
Happy Decorating